Sunday, June 3, 2012

Hi! I'm Jack.

Hi! I’m Jack. Do you know why my Mom and Dad named me Jack? They said Robin Williams played a character one time called Jack, and that he was funny. I don’t believe them though because how do they know a baby is going to be funny? Babies don’t talk.

My Dad thinks I’m funny though. He says hilarious. Because my Dad taught me to whistle and I’m real good at it. My Dad points at people and has me whistle, and then he cracks up laughing. Sometimes he doesn’t stop for ten minutes. That’s how I know I’m funny.

Girls are who my Dad had me whistle at. They get all frowny at first and stick out their hips, but then they see me and they smile. I don’t know why they don’t laugh, but Mom says smiling is good so I know they like me.

Sometimes I whistle at the nurses at my doctor’s office that I like. They scrunch up their faces. They look like they try not to laugh. That’s why I like them.

That’s at my favorite doctor’s office. It’s the one with the doctor who only tells me my height and weight and has me do the eye exam. I learned the eye exam real good when I was five and I learned the letters. So now I always do good on the eye exam.

I do good on the height and weight too because I always grow. Mom says I grow because that’s what little boys do, so I guess I pass the test. Mom makes sure I grow by feeding me dinner. Even if I don’t eat it all I still grow, so I don’t eat it all.

I like chips better anyway. I can eat chips while I watch movies at home. In the movies the funny guys don’t whistle, though. They tell jokes. I tell jokes at school but I get in trouble. One time somebody hit me after I told a joke and told me to go away. They got in trouble but so did I. So I don’t tell jokes at school.

One joke I told that I heard was, “Why did the Mom cross the road?” The answer is supposed to be, “It doesn’t matter, she should make me a sandwich.” I changed it though to say, “To get me some chips.” I thought it was funnier and it made more sense. My Mom doesn’t make me sandwiches, but she does get me chips.

My Dad really likes that joke. He tells it to my Mom and she laughs sometimes. I don’t laugh because I don’t understand the sandwich part. Mom doesn’t make Dad sandwiches either. But after that I go to bed early and I hear Mom and Dad laughing a lot in their room. I wish I could make my Mom laugh. Maybe when I’m big like my Dad.

Mom says when I’m big I still won’t understand everything. I don’t think that’s important, but she says it is. She says be careful of the kids at school like when I got hit. I just don’t tell jokes and no one hits me anymore so I don’t see what the big deal is. Just because you don’t know everything doesn’t mean you can’t not get hit.

I feel like my teacher wants me to know everything. She always says things like to look at people’s faces to see their retraction or something. It means how they feel about you. I know because Mom said that if people smile then they like you. Why else is it important?

It’s hard to look in faces anyway because people don’t look at you. Like if I tell a joke people turn around so I can’t see their face or walk away. I decided that if people are your friend they look at you. All the people in school look at their friends and sometimes the teachers. That means I have three friends. My teacher always looks at me when I talk. So does my talking doctor so she’s my friend. And my Dad.

When my friends aren’t there I talk to myself. I tell myself jokes because I know I’m not going to hit myself, and I always laugh really hard like my Dad so people will want to hear my jokes. Sometimes people look at me when I do that. I think they’re my friends, but I’m not sure because they don’t talk to me.

When I get people to look at me, I always say, “Hi! I’m Jack.” I talk about why my parents named me Jack and my whistling. Sometimes people smile at me, but then they walk away. I don’t know why. But Mom says not everyone will be my friend.

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