Sunday, May 13, 2012

Connections Never Made

The whole family is parallel parked down the street in front of your house, crammed into the large kitchen, and eating snacks while mingling in the living room. But you are exhausted. You stare at the maps you create on your ceiling and listen to the murmurs as it gets dark and you drift in and out of a nap.

There is a sports car belonging to your uncle. There is arguing. A familiar voice. You drift in and to the window. Parting the shades you see two figures in the twilight. One your uncle standing by the redness of his convertible, and one could just be him. He has hit your uncle's car while attempting to fill a too-small space. Where did he get a car? And when did he get here? And why?

You greet him at the back door to the basement by the drain. The ping pong table sits behind you. Your cousin and your best friend stand behind it. His hair is shorter and he has filled out a bit. You hug him like you always have, remembering the last time you jumped into someone's arms. Three men and you. The little girls might be playing outside the game room, but here it is just you and the three boys. They greet one another.

You introduce them all. They have never met. You sit on the ping pong table. It has always been a gathering space. They all wonder which one of the others is your boyfriend. None has ever been, nor will ever be. They wander in and out of your consciousness.

You awake in a wholly different world. The three men in your dream haven't been in your life for years. The house with the sidewalk and the ping pong table are gone. Wondering where they all are right then. Letting them go. Turning towards the middle of the bed, you drift off holding the hand of the only man in your life. You dream of the past and what could have been.

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