Hey everyone! Check out this excerpt from my NaNoWriMo novel. I'm just trying to get words on paper at the moment, but I'm really concerned that the voice of the character is boring because he doesn't know a wide range of vocabulary or sentence structures. What do you guys think?
Go to the movies with friends
I can only go to the mall with my Mom. I can never see movies that I want to see because she always has to come with me. I like to see the same movies as my other classmates. But they get to go on their own so they see all of the movies and I never do. So then we can’t talk about the movies.
My mom is always worried that some bad stranger is going to come find me because they always find kids like me who have disabilities. I try to tell my Mom that I’m not dumb and that I won’t go off with strangers but then she asks me if I would if they said they knew her and I say yes. That’s not the right answer because she doesn’t want me to believe lies. So she always goes with me.
None of the other kids in my class are allowed to go to the movies by themselves either. For some of them it is because they might get sick when they are at the movies and then their friends won’t know how to help. Like Sarah who has epilepsy. Plus then the other kids might freak out and not want us to go to the movies with them.
No one ever asked me to go to the movies with them. I figured I would meet them there one day when I was by myself and they’d be like, “Hey, we’re going to see this movie. Wanna come?” And then I could say yeah that I want to come and then I would make a friend. Especially if I stood by the movie theater. kids from my school go there because I’ve seen them.
When I’m with my Mom and I see people I know, I always hide in the arcade. Mom says I’m being silly when I do that, but I think I’m old enough to be on my own and they’d think I was a baby. The janitors always yell at me when I hide in the arcade because they are scared I might break something.
No one thinks I should do anything by myself because of my Down Syndrome. They don’t think I can because they say I look stupid. When they talk to my Mom they always say liability. I don’t know what that means but it seems like it means your stupid kid can’t do stuff on his own. And that’s mean.
I’m not stupid and I can go to the movies on my own so I can make friends. If I made friends we could talk about the movies we saw. No I can only talk about baby movies and romances because that’s all my Mom lets me see. I want to see rated R movies and action and horror movies like Saw. I heard people talking about that movie once and all the bloody hands and jumping out parts. If I was cool I could talk about that stuff too.
I can only go to the mall with my Mom. I can never see movies that I want to see because she always has to come with me. I like to see the same movies as my other classmates. But they get to go on their own so they see all of the movies and I never do. So then we can’t talk about the movies.
My mom is always worried that some bad stranger is going to come find me because they always find kids like me who have disabilities. I try to tell my Mom that I’m not dumb and that I won’t go off with strangers but then she asks me if I would if they said they knew her and I say yes. That’s not the right answer because she doesn’t want me to believe lies. So she always goes with me.
None of the other kids in my class are allowed to go to the movies by themselves either. For some of them it is because they might get sick when they are at the movies and then their friends won’t know how to help. Like Sarah who has epilepsy. Plus then the other kids might freak out and not want us to go to the movies with them.
No one ever asked me to go to the movies with them. I figured I would meet them there one day when I was by myself and they’d be like, “Hey, we’re going to see this movie. Wanna come?” And then I could say yeah that I want to come and then I would make a friend. Especially if I stood by the movie theater. kids from my school go there because I’ve seen them.
When I’m with my Mom and I see people I know, I always hide in the arcade. Mom says I’m being silly when I do that, but I think I’m old enough to be on my own and they’d think I was a baby. The janitors always yell at me when I hide in the arcade because they are scared I might break something.
No one thinks I should do anything by myself because of my Down Syndrome. They don’t think I can because they say I look stupid. When they talk to my Mom they always say liability. I don’t know what that means but it seems like it means your stupid kid can’t do stuff on his own. And that’s mean.
I’m not stupid and I can go to the movies on my own so I can make friends. If I made friends we could talk about the movies we saw. No I can only talk about baby movies and romances because that’s all my Mom lets me see. I want to see rated R movies and action and horror movies like Saw. I heard people talking about that movie once and all the bloody hands and jumping out parts. If I was cool I could talk about that stuff too.
The voice is perfect. It sounds like a female voice which I hope the character is. I like the pacing, the innocence of ideas, and the pain that I felt. I also found myself wondering about her disability and then about disabilities in general. The excerpt you show is successful!! Go, girl, Go!!
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